Brewfest!

For my first Father's Day, Amy took me up to Snowbird for Brewfest 2013.  We enjoyed perfect weather and a beautiful backdrop to complement the exceptional local beers.  I have to say, this was a great event.  $20 gets you a mug and 15 tokens.  Each token gets you 3 ounces of beer (supposedly).  Every brew-stand I visited was friendly to the extreme and had a bit of a sticky tap (I would guess 6 ounces per token is more accurate).  I got to try beers from all over Utah.  My favorite beer may have been Rooster's Polygamy Pale.  The guy from Roosters informed me that it was an IPA recipe.  Very balanced pale ale.  We enjoyed lunch together outside at 10,000ft while I sipped beers and my boy fed himself.  I will be back next year!

Work has been interesting lately.  I have transitioned to some smaller projects in the interim between big projects.  It has been nice to have some shorter term projects to wrap up quickly. 

I am very excited for our upcoming trip to Oregon.  We will be taking our bikes and hope to get some good activities in!

Listening to: Deer Tick - Awesome band that I randomly found based on a recommendation from Rhapsody.  They do a really cool cover of "What Kind of Fool Am I?".

I am so lucky to have Amy as a wife and mother to my boy!  What a great Father's Day weekend!

Thoughts on Commissioning

I have been spending a lot of time working on my home lately.  It has been very rewarding work, and opened my eyes to how simple it is to do a lot of the things yourself that would otherwise cost you a fortune.  All you really need is some can-do attitude, a bit of mechanical aptitude, and access to the internet :).  Seriously, how did people do it before the internet? Youtube has become a part of my toolbox, right next to the cordless drill.

I recently completed the shop commissioning of the massive new drill rig project I designed.  It was, as always, a great learning experience in addition to being very rewarding.  Some of the recurring truisms from the commissioning:

• You just have to try some things.  A few minutes of real world testing is worth weeks of time in front of the computer in some cases.  Now not all cases!  Thank you Finite Element Analysis!  But software, for example, almost cannot be tried soon enough in the development process.
• Its never the problem you expect.  This one is rather obvious, but rears its head frequently.  Fact is, if it was a problem you expected and didn't do anything about, you are kind of an idiot, right?  Well, not exactly.  Engineering can be an iterative process, and there is a degree of uncertainty with any new creation.  As engineers, we try to think of all the things that could go wrong, and I would bet that 90% of the time what actually goes wrong is not on that list.  This is likely due to the fact that if you are able to anticipate a certain type of problem, you eliminate it from your design the best you can.  If you are creating something new though, expect a few of these "gotchas".
• Sometimes, entropy wins.  Sure, there are a few problems you run into and think: "yeah, this happens all the time".  A leaky hose for example.  Some problems, however, are almost impossible to track down and are completely unique.  Like a faulty bus bar from a manufacture with a tiny piece of plastic covering the conductor in one of several hundred terminals.  Yeah, $2 part, 4 hours tracking it down.  Entropy 1, Engineer 0.
• Running a new piece of equipment can bring the hind-sight engineering specialists out of the woodwork.  "Why didn't you do this?" or "Why wasn't that considered in the design?".  The fact is, when building a prototype, some things are going to get missed.  Don't let it bother you, instead try to create a culture of jumping in and fixing problems rather than just pointing them out.  Remember that a toddler can spot an oil leak, it takes an adult to fix it.
• Nine women cannot have a baby in one month. I think this is a German saying.  It may be my favorite thing to remind managers who want to solve a technical issue by pulling in more resources.
• Perspective can be a big blessing.  After spending about 25 days straight working on something, that thing can pretty easily creep steadily higher on your shit list.  Every problem you encounter can seam insurmountable because it gets jammed into your crowded brain with all problems fixed and outstanding.  Get someone new involved when this starts to happen!  For my project, I called in a drilling supervisor to see what he thought of the rig.  He reminded us that we are doing stuff that has never been done before and SUCCEEDING.  All of a sudden building a small step to change a filter seams like the minute task it is.  
• Telling people what they want to hear when it comes to timing is a mistake.  This one is easy to fall victim to if you are a people pleaser (a terminal problem I deal with, along with Irish guilt).  If someone asks you when it will be done, give your honest estimate.  And don't forget to double it.  Adding time to your estimate is NOT unscientific, it is what experienced professionals do (see entropy).  It is always better to take the heat for the timeline now and be a hero if all the stars align and by some miracle you complete your project early.  
• Beer is good.  Having a beer with your team after a hard days work is good for everyone.
• Lists rule.  keep one running punch list.  ONE.  That is the key.  Maintaining multiple lists is impractical and causes things to get missed.  Don't get too hung up on categorizing your list either.  Just write it down.  You can always organize it later! 
• Things seam easier when they are done.  Don't forget all the heart-ache you poured into your creation.  People will look at it and it will appear simple to them.  Remember that it is easy to make a convoluted and complex mechanism to do a function unreliably.  To create something simple and reliable is the pinnacle of engineering achievement.  And when someone looks at it and says "duh, of course that is how that is done", remind yourself that if it was really that obvious, people would already be doing it that way.  You have created something simple and innovative (prepare to be copied thanklessly :) )

I am so excited to be at this phase of the project.  My team, which was pulled together from Australia, Canada, and the US, worked very well together!   Lots of exciting new developments and innovations.  I will post a link as soon as the info goes public!

Amy has done an amazing job documenting our family life!  Let me know if you want access to that blog, as it is set to private.  I will just say here that having a baby has been by far the greatest thing to happen to me.  I couldn't be happier with my family, career, or home.  Life is good.  Cheers, friends.

Music:  I am digging the new Queens of the Stone Age album "...Like Clockwork"
Reading: I am reading "Dune Heretics"...  Frank Herbert awesomeness.

Bureau of Qualification

I propose the creation of a "Bureau of Qualification" to issue "Person of Qualification" certificates.  Let me explain:

During the engineering process, you often need a product you can purchase to accomplish a function.  Now, how the search goes, viewed from an engineer perspective.

I know I need a product that will do "x" in my design.  I know someone is currently producing this product, but I don't know who.  I know it is something we haven't had in a design before so I can't just look at a legacy design.  I will search the internet for information and try to find a supplier that looks legitimate and has a nice website (we all think bad websites indicate a lack of technical competence or a certain stuck-in-their-way-edness).  I find a company I like the looks of, and click on the contact page because I HAVE to talk to a real person.  Here is where it gets sticky.  I call the 800 number most companies list that gets you an operator.  I ask for someone in engineering.  90% of the time, this stuns the operator, and they direct you to someone in sales. I get connected and it is apparent within a few seconds if you have hit a dead end.  If I get lucky, I get someone who can direct me to a product that truly meets my needs.  This is very rare.  The fundamental problem, I feel, is that I don't know exactly what I want, and companies are not set up to help people like me.  What do I know?  I know EXACTLY what function the product needs to perform, in what environment, and I have a general feeling for how robust or light the product needs to be.  It takes the right person on the other end of the line to make the connections, understand the mental sketches used to communicate concepts, and interpret the parameters.

The reason I only pass along parameters and functional descriptions is: if you tell someone exactly what you want, you will get exactly what you ask for.  Dictating exactly what you want takes any expertise or experience the other company could offer out of the equation, and often produces an inferior or flawed solution.  How do we solve this problem?

Create a certification "Person of Qualification".  When I call a company, I would ask for a "Person of Qualification" immediately. I do not need a PoQ if all I need is a price or a quote, but can ask for one if I need some genuine creativity or direction.  PoQ certifications could be field specific, but I think think a general PoQ would cover most of what you need.  Someone who is a PoQ doesn't have to be an expert on everything, but would at least know what they don't know (often as valuable and much less dangerous).

I am kidding of course.  But man is it frustrating dealing with people who just cannot contribute!  All my engineer buddies here are backing my concept :)

So Starts Summer

We are getting closer to Paul's arrival and are on high alert!  To say I am excited to be a dad would be a major undersell.  I think about it constantly - finding myself on the Nokona website looking at a ball glove for the little guy or thinking about what I want to teach him.  I understand I am a bit ahead of myself here.  I realize he won't be sizing beams, fixing the water heater, or picking ground balls for a while; but what can I say?  I am EXCITED!  I hope to inspire in Paul a sense of wonder, curiosity, and a perpetual thirst for knowledge.  I also look forward to playing with Legos again :)

We have been on high alert based on a loose prediction from our doctor that he may arrive early.  A "maybe" from our doctor morphed into certainty in our minds. This, in turn, has caused our hopes to inflate.  We are now anxiously awaiting any sign that he could be on his way.  Unfortunately, we have had NO indication that he will show up early.  What does this amount to?  Me asking Amy every tenth of an hour "Any changes!?".  Thankfully I have a patient wife.

Paul will be a lucky boy.  We are very thankful to have such a great family and great friends.  Amy is going to be such an amazing mom!  This has been a good time for reflection.  Along those lines, we love our new house!  I have spent a lot of time fixing it up to our standards.  Lots of yard work so far and a lot remaining, but we are making progress.  I am learning a lot and enjoying the process of continual home improvement.  I think it will be a great place to raise a family.

Work has been going really well.  As always, I am loving the challenges of my job.  I have been taking on more of a project management role as my project ends the design phase and heads full on into production.  What a great time!  Seeing my designs come together in the shop never gets old.  I am blown away by the talent of the fabricators and machinists I get to work with.  I take every chance I can to learn from them.  I have said it before, but it is always refreshing dealing with truly competent people.  I have also noticed that people who really know what they are doing are VERY willing to share their knowledge and methods.  This project has truly covered all aspects of engineering from controls to structural analysis, and I am pleased to say that I have been intimately involved in every part of it.

Amy is starting a blog to document our lives as parents!  We will be uploading pictures of Paul to that blog and will most likely not be uploading his pictures to Facebook, so add a message in the comments here if you would like access to that blog (will be set to private) and we will get you set up.

Boy, it is hot here!  Slight exaggeration warning: anything aluminum is a few degrees from melting.  

Endings and Beginnings

Amy's Grandfather, Howard Dean Bakker, passed away Tuesday, March 6th.  We had a service for him yesterday (March 9th).  He really was a great man and it was a real loss.  I spent countless hours discussing books we had both read, listening to his Navy stories, and talking politics.  He will be truly missed.  Read his obituary here.

It has been announced on Facebook, but I wanted to post on here that Amy and I are expecting!  We will be welcoming our first child, ultrasound says BOY!, on July 1st.  We are absolutely thrilled!  Amy is showing and the time is approaching.  

We are 92% sure of a name for our boy: Paul Andrew Robinette.  I have always liked the name Paul.  After all, he was essentially the writer of the new testament and the hero of one of my favorite sci-fi novels: Dune.  Andrew is my Great Great Grandpa's name on the Robinette side.  Andrew John Patterson came over from Ireland in about 1883.  We still have his bible from catholic school.  I really like the flow of the name and think it should serve Paul well.  Having said that, we still reserve the right to change it!

So, as Howard's life ends a new life begins.  It is a bittersweet time; a time filled with family, joy, and mourning.  I have much more to say on many topics, but this will do for now.  From Lake Havasu City, where Howard lived with his beloved Nadine, so long everyone.

Seatac

December is in full swing here in Utah.  Temperatures are dipping below freezing, the mountains are covered in snow, and I have been skiing exactly zero times.  I hope that changes in the next month or so. 

Amy is substitute teaching and has been able to be selective on jobs and still manages to work every day.  It has really been a nice job for her; she really enjoys the flexibility.  The schools down here are pretty great with a lot of technology in the classroom.  The kids have been pretty darn good as well.  Best part of subbing in my opinion: not dealing with parents! 

I am sitting in the Delta Lounge at Seattle-Tacoma Airport. Note that I am not actually allowed in here on my own as I do not have enough miles yet; I am with a co-worker who gets referred to as "Mr. ____" by Delta staff and could actually probably redeem his miles and buy a mega-yacht or an iPad (yes, that is an Apple price joke from an avid Apple user).  I seriously think he is like a Diamond member or something.  I just got upgraded from lava-rock status.

We are headed home in December for Christmas with the family in Oregon.  We are very excited to meet our niece and see our growing nephew!  It will be really good to catch up with family and friends as well.  So if you are going to be in Southern Oregon at the end of December, let us know!

I just found out that I passed my PE exam!  I am stoked, this is very exciting so if you count yourself as a friend of mine, tip back a beer and celebrate with me long-distance!

Cheers and Merry Christmas!

Salute to General Nonsense

Can we all agree on revising politeness to include telling people they have a certain kind of distraction hanging out of their nose? You may be telling me the secret to life or a legit way to make millions from my couch, but all I can focus on is that bat fluttering around the cave entrance.

Now that we have taken care of that, on to other things. "What is going on with politics these days!?" is something someone who has the patience to pay attention to the current campaigning might say. I tire quickly of this stuff, so lets avoid this subject. So, what is there to talk about? Plenty.

My niece Josi Ann Teaters was born on November 10th! Mother and daughter are both healthy and happy! We are very fortunate to have a new baby girl in our family and I cannot wait to see what her life will bring. Amy and I really wish we could be there, but we will be home for Christmas, which can't get here fast enough.

Salt Lake area is currently in "mud season", the time between mountain biking season and ski season. I am really excited to get to the ski-hill this year as often as possible. In this downtime, I have been very busy studying for my PE exam, which I sat for at the end of October. It had been a while (4 years) since I had touched many of the subjects covered, so studying was quite the chore. Eight hour tests should only be used on enemies of the state... No fun. And eight weeks to get the results!? For a scantron test!? Maybe the robots are out occupying Wall Street.

Work is going great. It challenges me daily, which I have learned is a requirement for me to remain happy. I am now obsessed with mobile equipment. Drilling is a fascinating industry filled with passionate people. It is the perfect environment for someone who likes to learn. I find that truly competent people share easily and are very open to new ideas. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by competent people.

Amy and I have been married for five years as of August 26th! Five years and two states later, I still cannot imagine my life without her. Thanks for everything Famous, you are amazing and life with you rocks!

Travelling for work: I have had some great experiences on the road and as usual, I have learned a lot from the people I have encountered. BUT: flying really, really sucks. My shoulders are a curse on an airplane, meaning I have to do this awkward sort of lean into the aisle on commuter jets so my neighbor doesn't have to use my shoulder as a chin-rest. And how bad is the feeling of walking down the aisle and waiting to see who you are stuck next to? I swear I could get on a jet 90% full of horse jockeys and get seated next to an NFL lineman.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We are very lucky to have guests travelling to SLC to see us. Enjoy your family and friends!

Mountain Biking and Reading

What has been up lately? Mostly, I have been working; which while interesting does not produce the most blogable material. For this reason, it has been silent on this front. There are a few things worth noting of late.

Mountain biking in the Wasatch front is unreal. Having never been into mountain biking, I felt no rush to get out onto the trails. For those moving to this area, do not make the same mistake I did! I am running out of daylight here, which is a bit of a bummer, but thankfully I have made it (thanks to my boss really) out the last 4 weeks in a row. These single tracks are the stuff of legend. After going a few times, I see why people develop such a passion for the sport. My boss has been known to say: “it makes you feel 10 years old again”. Truly spoken.

I will have to post some pictures soon, but for now just take my word for it: there is nothing like it and it is hard to imagine another place so perfectly made for it. Heres why: it is free, it is not crowded, it is well maintained, the people you do meet out there are very friendly, it is a great workout, the downhill, while only about 15 minutes after a grueling 75-minute climb, is about as much fun as you can have (legally at least, as far as I know). Some facts:

Average Starting Elevation: 7,200ft
Highest Elevation Achieved so far: 8,500ft
Air thickness at this altitude: comparable to the atmosphere of a small asteroid
Make you feel outta shape factor: 6.42 out of 6.43
Average temperature: whatever the perfect temperature is (72 F?)

Summer here in the valley has been awesome. Amy and I love the sunshine! We loved the Portland area, but have to admit that we are sun-seeking people. SLC suits us better in this regard. One other positive factor, wait, scratch that, another CRITICAL factor is that there are NO BUGS in the valley! I have not seen a mosquito in the valley since I have been here, except the one that was flying around confusedly asking for directions to a lake.

September and October promise to be about as relaxing as running a marathon while trying to type a manuscript on a touchscreen smartphone. We will be heading to Oregon for a wedding in September (my buddy Grant’s wedding, should be super awesome). After that, I have global engineering gatherings in Park City, studying 4 nights a week for my PE, on top of my work project. Should be a fun and exciting time, capped off by me sitting for my PE at the end of October.

Well this is a brief update, more to come soon I hope. A few more things to mention…

What I am reading:
A Dance with Dragons – George R. R. Martin
The most recent book in the Song of Ice and Fire Series. I have been waiting about 4ish years for this one to come out, but I think it was worth the wait. Interestingly, they have made an HBO drama about this series called “A Game of Thrones” (the title of the first book in the series as well). Status: 100% Complete

Bossypants – Tina Fey
A delightful read from a very smart and funny woman. Between laughs you even get some insight into management and the creative process. Highly recommend this read for men and women alike. Status: 75% Complete

What I am listening to:
Well, as usual, I am listening to a lot of music right now. The band I find myself navigating Rhapsody to most often, however, has to be Manchester Orchestra. These guys are a perfect combo of rock and “pretty” music. Very enjoyable rain or shine, and pairs well with beers or coffee.

Concerts, etc.

Hello all,

Life is good here in the great state of Utah! I am learning quickly just how serious people are here about their mountain biking and hiking. Everyone at work is talking about all of their exploits, and it has me pretty excited for the snow to melt in our gargantuan mountain playground. That said, there is sure a lot of snow up there still... I am glad we aren't in a flood danger zone, but rather just on the highway to it (anyone?).

I have partaken in a few site visits for work lately. It has been both eye-opening and encouraging to see our crews in action. My company has some pretty impressive people in its employ.

Amy has been in Kentucky visiting family for the past week, leaving me to batch it (had to throw in the phonetic "t"). I am not a big fan of her being gone in all honesty, but I have had some help getting through the week. I went to two concerts on two consecutive nights in downtown Salt Lake City! Both concerts were at a really cool small venue called "In the Venue". Pretty great open air patio upstairs for 21 & older folks who want to avoid the mosh (count me in).

Arctic Monkeys

The first show I went to this week was for the killer stoner/brit rock band Arctic Monkeys. I have been a pretty big fan of theirs ever since Pandora introduced us on my Queens of the Stone Age station. I had high hopes for this show, but I was doing my best to temper them based on an observation I made some time ago: High volume, high energy bands often struggle live due to a) trouble mixing b) fighting the tendency to just crank it and c) turning the vocalist down to the point where you just hear a murmur over the other instruments. Arctic Monkeys didn't struggle with any of these issues. The band was very tight and the vocals were excellent. Overall, this is as good as hard rock gets live. See these guys if you like them at all, because after seeing them you will like them more!

The Airborne Toxic Event

Ok, I don't like speaking in absolutes when it comes to art. Having said that, this was probably the best live show I have ever seen. Yes, thats right, EVER. I have never been to a show steered by such a fantastic performer as Mikel Jollett. I was frankly in awe the entire time. I have only recently jumped on their bandwagon, enjoying them often on Rhapsody for about the last two months. I saw they were coming to town, and thought, "why not go see them"? Holy carp am I glad I did! It would take one mean bump in the road now to knock me off this bandwagon. In addition to their battery of fantastic originals, their covers of "I Fought the Law" and "Fulsom Prison Blues" electrified an eclectic crowd including 50 somethings and people young enough to think Fulsom Prison Blues is a pretty cool song by Joaquin Phoenix. The standup base and the viola filled the room with sweet moans in comfortable contrast to the stellar guitar and drum performances. Despite the great musicianship all around, the most impressive thing about TATE has to be Mikel. This guy is not only a great vocalist, but can unify a diverse crowd under his unique brand of idealism and spirituality with apparent ease. This artist-as-leader of a crowd is a cool thing to experience... And damn, All at Once is a POWERFUL song!

Oh yeah, and he is a cool guy! Here is a picture of him with me after the show:

I am so thankful to be in a town that gets great shows like these. Well, I better go get ready to pick up Amy! Cheers!

Hello From Mountain Country

Hello All, it has been too long again.

Amy and I are doing very well. We are adjusting to the Salt Lake area nicely and finding it full of nice surprises. I am stoked to be attending two concerts this month: The Airborne Toxic Event and The Arctic Monkeys. Both are at the top of my iPod not only due to alphabetical order, but also musical preference. These shows are going to be incredible!

I have been playing softball on Monday nights. Slow-pitch softball is great fun, even for a former hardballer. Fielding the ball is the same after all, and the short base paths make for a pretty fast paced game when you have skilled players. You get the occasional guy who takes it way too serious… Come on Beergutsky, get "Glory Days" out of your head and stop yelling at the umpire who is paid like an indentured servant. It is for FUN! That doesn't mean I don’t get competitive, because I do, it just means that a dose of reality could be beneficial for these people. Those are cub scouts in the stands, not Cubs' scouts.

Work has been great! I am working on a very big project that I get to make my own. For this reason I love spending time on it. I think I was born with an entrepreneurial (thank you spell-check) mind that really enjoys a degree of independence. Lots of structural engineering and FEA to do on this job. ANSYS is the software I am using primarily; it is pretty stellar I must say.

SLC area is pretty great. We have been up skiing a few times and the resorts here are exceptional. It is so cool to be close to all these great mountains. I think I may go this Sunday, yes, that is right, Sunday May 29th. The mountains also double as a great backdrop for the city. I am still mesmerized by them, something I hope doesn’t go away. This is a great place to live. Amy has been substitute teaching and has found some very impressive schools.

On a more serious note, there are some really good breweries down here. Epic brewing is probably my favorite, with Uinta a close second. Epic's IPAs are fantastic, and Uinta's barley wine is exceptional.

We miss all of our friends and family! Come see us!

Did you hear some wack-job thinks the world is going to end this weekend? I think Bruce Willis will save us… (cue Aerosmith)

Middle-wing?

Why does every issue presented in the news have to be a polarizing issue? Republican or Democrat? They might as well conclude stories with a table, one column red, one blue, filled with sentences describing how you feel depending on your party. Sometimes I feel the most renegade, looked-down-upon affiliation is no affiliation at all. Picking this non-party is a tough call in a society where "picking a side and sticking to it" is viewed in such a positive light.

I am not sure why I have been thinking about this so much lately. I have seen blogs hammer this out many times in the past. I guess it just struck me the other day that I can scorn or respect a senator with an R by his/her name just as easily as one with a D.

Barring some drastic change, it is high fantasy to think that we will have elections in the near future where there are more than two parties who are legitimate contenders. I am not a fan of wasting a vote, so the only way I can see to get diversity and move a step closer to an objective government is to not have my mind made up by a party. Is this blasphemous for a red-blooded, rural raised American to not vote a party line? I don't think so, and freedom lets me decide.

You don't hear people referring to the crazy centrist movement, and you never will. Why is that? Because sitting on or around the fulcrum yields little motion, and motion makes news. So I will continue the unglamorous life of someone who makes up their mind based on facts rather than the formulaic, gut-stirring jargon puked by pundits far left and right.

Sorry if this offends some, but it really shouldn't. If you are reading this you are likely someone I particularly like, and your politics would never factor into your meaning to me. I value the people in my life and am amazed at their intelligent diversity. It takes all of us bringing our informed minds to the table to create effective legislation and a government for the people. I am just thinking and typing, something I thoroughly enjoy.

Safety

Last week I went through training for MSHA (Mine Safety and Health Administration). The course I went through was well taught and very thorough. It got me thinking about safety…

I am sure a lot of you reading this have gone through some sort of safety training, or even first aid training. I am usually struck with how important safety feels while participating in these classes. You don't want anyone to get hurt and the dangers of the job feel very real. The challenge is getting people to carry this feeling with them when they leave.

Safety is very important for engineers in a number of ways. Most engineers in heavy industry spend a lot of time in the field. Safety is perfected with practice. Going into the field with limited repetition and visiting many different sites/machines makes safety more complex. Add to this the fact that engineers are often testing automated machinery in a bypass/manual mode for commissioning and you have a perfect storm for an accident.

Also, operators are experts on their equipment. As an equipment designer I have often thought that, even if I spend a year on a design, give an operator three months and his working knowledge will dwarf mine. My point is: don't assume you're an expert on your own design… assumptions foreshadow accidents.

On a personal level, engineers are responsible for designing safety into their equipment. It is truly the first line of defense from an accident. Thankfully, the US has made a lot of progress in requiring machine guarding [sometimes struggling to find the practical limit]. We must continue to improve our designs to keep everyone safe. Bottom line is: it effects the bottom line. Stay safe!

Fake News

Local Man, Happy With Job, Nonetheless Loses it at Work

Salt Lake City, UT, AP: “He just started alternating between singing pop goes the weasel and yelling angrily at his coffee cup to ‘stop being so condescending’.” Words spoken by a witness to the small mental breakdown that took place in a Salt Lake City engineering office this afternoon. The man, 25, was apparently attempting to work after returning from a vacation. “I love my job, I enjoy the people I work with, and I can honestly say I don’t know what caused this” said the man who apparently couldn’t hold it together, hours after being coaxed down from the top of his desk where he was pointing at the door, shouting “The outside is out there, I know it is!”.

Leading experts in the field of mind-loss point to the subject’s quick return to the workforce after a vacation filled with family, food, and beverage as the likely cause for the outburst. When asked for a closing remark, the subject, still hazy eyed, muttered some nonsense not worth reporting.

No one was hurt in the mind-loss, with the only injury coming to a keyboard which was found half-submerged in a toilet bowl. The keyboard refused to comment.

Note: this story is made up

Put the Oki in Okinawa

So, to say a lot has gone on since my last post would be a bigger understatement than saying Asange leaked a little information.

At the end of November 2010, Amy and I went on an adventure to Okinawa to see our good friends, Josh and Jenn. We had been planning on making this trip ever since Josh and Jenn left Klamath for Okinawa. Let me make my best attempt at summarizing the timeline of this crazy-awesome time. Take a breath before reading the following:

Last day at old job, finish packing for move to Salt Lake City, get on airplane bound for Okinawa Japan, fly/layover for 20hrs, arrive in Okinawa, have an absolutely incredible time (see slideshow), fly/layover for 18hrs, arrive in Portland, load Penske truck and clean rental home, start drive to SLC with intent of making it to Boise but only make it to La Grande due to road closures, make it the rest of the way to SLC, Unload Penske truck, start new job in SLC.

In case you were wondering, that covered about 18 days.

As for the new job, it has started out great! I have a large project for this next year and will be doing some travelling. I feel blessed to have a job like this in a down economy.

I had the full week before Christmas off so Amy and I drove from SLC to Merrill and Medford. As always, we had a great time with our family. It was very nice to see everyone and we got SPOILED with gifts!

My best friend got engaged over the holiday, and I will be his best man. I am thrilled for him, his wife-to-be is truly great and I am proud to be his best man. Best man means one major responsibility: The Bachelor Party. Don’t worry buddy, I am on it.

So, in the past each one of these life events would have been an entire post, but as you can see, I have been busy. I hope to get back to posting with something resembling consistency. If only there was a time coming up where it was customary to make resolutions…

Happy New Year!

Cheers to 2011, you have big shoes to fill!

SLC & Apple

Pretty big news for Amy and me: we are moving to Salt Lake City!

I accepted an engineering position in SLC with a company in mining and construction. Although I will miss everyone I worked with here in Vancouver and all the great friends we made up here, I am thrilled with the opportunity I have been presented in Utah!

Needless to say, Amy and I have been busy. Last weekend we did a quick trip (flying early Saturday and returning late Sunday) down to look for a place to live. We found a townhome we are very excited about in West Jordan.

One of the most appealing aspects of this new job is that I will be doing more mechanical design. Although I enjoy project management, which is what I have done exclusively for the past six months, I miss my original passion of machine design. The art of combining multiple disciplines into a functioning product was my motivation for starting this career, and it continues to get me to work every day. The field uses big equipment of course, which has always been my preference.

We have been very impressed with the Salt Lake area from our visits. It is very clean, has beautiful surroundings, and they actually have some good local beers (very important). West Jordan has a lot of new construction. We are excited to ski some of the area’s legendary snow!

We made sure to get a place that would allow us to welcome plenty of visitors, so come see us!

In unrelated news, I recently purchased an iMac. So far, I am very impressed! It was wicked easy to set up, and clearly very powerful. Ours has the i5 processor, which so far does not disappoint. This is my first Mac and it is too soon to say for sure, but I may be hooked.

Kool-Aid = Consumed

Next week, we visit Josh and Jenn in Okinawa!

Put it on Random, Dude!

Recently, I started a free trial of Rhapsody. So far, I have been pretty impressed. Those who know me know how eclectic my music taste can be. Rhapsody suits this tendency well, allowing me to build a queue that includes Outkast and My Morning Jacket. It also allows me to listen to artists that have piqued my interest, just not $10 or $15 worth. I will report back after a few months of paid service on whether or not it is a keeper. So far I have been discovered head and shoulder dancing twice in my cubicle thanks to the iPhone app. Thankfully my lack of rhythm is masked by my use of headphones. That’s right; they might just assume it is a song with ~1408 tempo changes.

Life has been full of softball lately. I am thankful for the leagues up here. It is great to be playing ball again. I have played short stop mostly, which has been a blast. Tourney time this weekend!

Amy and I went down to Klamath recently and visited my nephew. We had a great time! The trip was too short as always. Ty is growing so fast and looking great! Watch out future ladies in your aluminum-foil-esque dresses (this is how I imagine future ladies).

Work has been intense lately; I am starting to think that isn’t going to change any time soon. I am so intrigued by the way people work. We think of work as being a linear function. For example:

Figure 1 - Incorrect linear approximation of human work and time.

Figure 2 - Obnoxious morning person. Seriously person, I haven't even had a cup of coffee yet.

Figure 3 - My work/time function. Notice that it gets to the same point, but it involve ranges with slopes approaching infinity and others nearing zero. It even contains a range with a negative slope, once believed to be impossible. The JP T/W relationship might also describe afternoon feeling "I should just go home".

Figure 4 - We have all worked with this person.

I have been thinking about getting a Kindle. Anyone have any thoughts on the subject? Like it? Hate it? Don’t care? What is a Kindle? Where am I?

Real Wife - Fantasy Football

Amy and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary on August 26. I cannot believe it has been four years already. It is pretty amazing to look back on what we have done together and how much has changed in four years. One thing has not changed: I still cannot imagine life without her. Happy anniversary Famous!

So enough cheese for one day you say? OK, fine.

Fantasy football season is upon us folks. This year I am a member of three leagues. I am not sure how I am going to keep up with all three. Spreading my mediocrity over three leagues will likely render me the equivalent of the Cleveland Browns in all three leagues. Translation: you hate to play me, as I am so crappy you cannot improve your rep by beating me, but I can destroy your rep with a fluky big game.

How can I get better at fantasy football? Short of quitting my job and going all pale-skin internet addict cheetoh muncher, I have no idea. I do know I have to get over picking players I recognize the name of for my team. I used to be really into football, watching every Sunday and catching the same Sports Center two or three times in a weekend. I knew player’s stats and abilities intuitively based on excessive highlight watching. Time has caught up to me though. Turns out you should be careful with picking someone like Isaac Bruce… He is one of the top receivers in the game, if this was 1999.

Another concept I have to borrow from my friend Grant. When selecting a kicker, base your decision on one thing and one thing alone: The complexity of that kicker’s last name. The best kickers of all time have the most ridiculous and intricate surnames. So I will load up the bottom spot on the roster with as many consonants as possible.

Now I will put on my digital whistle, round up my virtual players, and head to the imaginary gridiron for another season of getting way too excited for mediocre achievements of mouse-clicking domination.

Summer Photos

In no particular order...

The wedding of Jake and Jen Bakker

Amy's feet at the beach we discovered close to our house

PGE Park

Cycle Oregon

Ruger and myself enjoying the Columbia

Ty!

Twitter

A familiar process:

1. Have No interest in a new technology

2. Judge others who are apparently addicted to new technology (ideally, this is the point where you make an outlandish claim that you will NEVER use this new technology)

3. Divert attention elsewhere when new technology is mentioned in pop culture

4. Get really bored one day

5. Sign up for new technology, under a smug pretense such as "I am just going to see what all THOSE people are talking about"

6. Enjoy new technology, and prepare to consume an expertly prepared crow

So follow me on Twitter! @japes1365

Cycle Oregon 2 - The Revenge of the Bike Seat

My second Cycle Oregon weekend was a minor success! I reached a level of physical preparedness on par with John Kruk reporting to spring training. Amy and I logged somewhere around 75 miles over the weekend. Not bad considering the serious lack of "saddle time" we had before the weekend. When I was younger, I struggled to understand when people said things like "I would love to, but I don't have the time". Now, I get it. With all the things I would like to do more of (or at all), it seems this statement defines reality. This is not a bad thing, but a fact with which we must live.

To say I was physically unprepared is actually not entirely correct. I was thankful for the workout schedule Amy and I have been pretty religious about. The problem, as any bike rider will sympathize with, was that I simply hadn't sat on my bike for that long in many months;meaning I lacked a certain type of preparation. [DISTURBING TERM AHEAD] My friends and I refer to the type of preparation as the "A$$ Callous". For the first few rides of the year your rear end will cause you to question your interest in the sport of bicycle ridery. After that, it gets better. Sometimes it stops ailing you all-together (every time I say that I think of "Airplane!" and a group of people repeating my sentence). There is no explainable reason for the pain going away, but the phenomena has been dubbed the "A$$ Callous".

Recap of day 1:

• Wow, this is beautiful
• Cool, a hill
• Nice, a pit stop
• Wow, this is beautiful
• Man, my wife is looking good
• Great, another pit stop
• Ouch, my rear
• Wow, this is pretty, but Ouch, my rear
• Alright!, all finished, lets drink a beer

Recap of Day 2:

• Ouch, my rear
• Optimism, this will probably go away soon
• OK, I can tough this out
• Calculating distance back to camp
• Yahoo, A$$ Callous achieved!
• Armstrong-ing this hill
• Amy is an animal, going over steep grades like speed-bumps
• Wow, this is beautiful country
• Success!, lets drink a beer and toast the trip!

The area around Monmouth is spectacular and the roads are so smooth. We will be back for more next year, hopefully somewhere new to us in Oregon!